The question becomes…. “Is the Grass Greener?” What does that even mean?
Is the relationship worth the text back? Is a title even worth the trouble? Is marriage worth the paper work? Does Chemistry even matter? Will sex cure my relationship problems?
Here are a few tips to surviving your Once-in-a-life time- marriage; I interviewed my uncle and my mom to get their perspective on marriage. My uncle and my mom are both married.
1. Most of the time… the grass isn’t greener. “Marriage is worth the vow, but it takes two. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes the equal-effort of two. It is important to attempt to meet each other half way and reciprocate in a marriage. Both people have to care, and on top of that you have to know your mate. You have to know each other before you choose to marry.” – Valerie M.
Totally, I can definitely see how these factors can play a major role in marriage mom. I understand that we must know who we are choosing to marry, and what comes along with it. I also understand that with marriage comes a vow to “Honor and obey….. and be together forever, and for all of eternity.. If I said that right? You have always said that a marriage is a partnership. No one should ever feel as if they’re in a marriage or relationship alone. Everything should be reciprocated, and communicated, if you will.
2. Keep the momentum going! “It has been proven that a married couple should keep the marriage fresh. Wear that lingerie that he likes, keep your hair cut the way that she likes. Keep your body in shape, stay fresh and smelling good, that way the relationship still keeps its freshness. Never stop dating. No matter how many bills you have, or kids you have, never stop dating.” –Derrick M.
I agree uncle, in any relationship we should always try to maintain. We all love it when our other half is at their best. We are all human, the only thing we can do is try. We can try to keep ourselves up, with a busy schedule and all. We can try to be our best, all while looking our best. If we continue to put in effort, and treat our mates the same way we did in the beginning, the relationship will constantly flourish. Who says a euphoria isn’t attainable? I believe it’s possible. It’s possible to be that perfect couple who is still attracted to each other after years of marriage.
3. Be happy in all that you decide to do.. “Never put anyone’s happiness before yours. You’ll end up unhappy in the end. If you constantly find yourself putting the needs of others before yours, you’ll eventually grow to regret it. Especially in events where you never agreed with the decisions you made in the first place.” – Valerie M.
Oh, yes… This statement speaks to my heart. As a girl brought up as a Christian, you are encouraged to put the needs of others before yours, which can really stick to you. I unknowingly started to apply this practice in relationships. I didn’t get to a point where I experienced emotional trauma from it, (Thank God) but I did rethink the dynamic of the relationship. However; as an adult you are drawn to do what’s best for your wellbeing. I can see how someone could suffer from this. A spouse who habitually puts their needs on the back burner for their mate could end up bitter. Practice making healthy decisions, communicate with your mate. Communication is key. Don’t let things build up, you’ll eventually explode or implode. Neither of the two are desirable outcomes. Just talk about it!
4. How Do You Stay Monogamous? Talk about everything as soul mates, not as temporary lovers. Share your deepest thoughts, be comfortable with yourself, you are married after all. You did say that you would be together forever right, so there you have it. You signed up for a new best friend. Monogamy is not outdated, some people use that line as an excuse to cheat. It is important that you marry someone that you have chemistry with. If you’ve ever experienced the bliss of chemistry, you’ll know that it is irreplaceable. Chemistry is everlasting. If you marry for any other reason you’ll most likely fail. If you marry for looks, or stability there is a great chance that you won’t be happy in the long run.
5. A marriage is a bond between two people, not three or four. “If the husband dies, the wife gets the insurance money, not the side chick; vice versa” Marriage can be a constant headache, at the same time, lifelong elation.
6. Will Everyone Cheat? Well, that’s a hard one… many people say yes, but guess what? I say maybe not. Maybe they simply married the wrong person, maybe there’s a compatibility problem. Whatever it is, its fixable without stepping out on your partner. Maybe it crosses your mind from time to time, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Well, I hope that you don’t cheat. Take the time out to tell your partner your problems, and your needs. Half the time when you choose to cheat, it’s never worth it. Think about it, you have built a foundation with someone that you love; so why ruin it? For a cheap thrill? A brief sexual encounter? -at the end of the day you’re still married. You’ll lose more than you gain when you decide to cheat while married. My advice to you is to save your money. Cheating is expensive. The best way to save money is to date your other half, not some chick/dude who may have you paying on the bill, or getting their nails done, buying basketball shorts for someone else’s son. Date your spouse, (s)he deserves it.
7. Everyone does not want to cheat. In the beginning, all is well.. the idea of cheating is blasphemy. “Why get married just to cheat?” you ask. Is counseling out of the question?” How can you prevent cheating on your wife? The marriage might seem one sided, one person might feel neglected. This causes one to wander off. Never stop empowering your loved one. It should never be another woman/man doing your job. Don’t take each other for granted. Show each other enough respect, you live under the same roof. It takes two people to throw logs under the fire, to keep the spark in a marriage going. Never let the flame burn out. “A relationship is organic, feed the relationship. Love and accept the person for who they are. The worst thing you can do is try to change a person.” – Jeremy B.
8. Why Do People cheat? Obviously. They cheat for something they aren’t getting at home. It could be something as simple as attention, dates, back rubs, and picnics… anything that you aren’t getting at home.
9. Is Marriage Worth it? Well, everyone is different. What you see being worth the while, may not even interest the next person. “It’s all about what you can tolerate from your mate? How much can you handle, and how long can you handle it for?” Is marriage worth it? You tell me.
4 thoughts on “Is The Grass Greener?”
Well said 👏🏾, now let’s get 💍
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A Brooke, I so admire your thinking of these things! You are way ahead of where I was at your age! One small thing I would caution is the thinking that, “never put anyone’s happiness before your own.” I would agree this is so if it’s ALWAYS about them and NEVER about you, but in a lifetime relationship it will ebb and flow. (And I hope you will not marry one who does not get this!) Sometimes you will need to put yourself aside and do more for others in your clan, and other times they will need to do so for you. Over the years and generations it all balances out. For example, as a young wife/mom you may feel there is no time for you. But if you give your husband/children that time, and also invest in the family as a whole, they will sing your praises in the end! Returning the investment tenfold when YOU need more than you can give. I wish I knew at your age all this, and I wish you and yours a lifetime of being among the blessed! 🙂 Keep asking the BIG questions! (And that ogsneakerboy seems to fancy you, if you feel the same perhaps throw all in and build a life together? Ask your make kin (like your uncle) for their opinion, and *only* if they approve, trust me on this men KNOW way better then women do, don’t look back and never give up! I am a sucker for a good love story!)
oops, *male* kin. Lol!
Here’s an article I did on the topic of greener grass, maybe it will come in handy in later years if times get tough…enjoy! https://notesfromaredpillgirl.com/2014/10/30/beware-the-greener-grass/ BTW, the time to choose one’s grass is BEFORE one marries, so choose wisely for sure! But also know, no grass is perfect 🙂